They think I’m just sad.
They don’t understand
what happened with my dad.
A betrayal of trust;
A darkening of youth
Perspective forever changed
at the entombment of truth.
In the end, I escaped
And, oh, you did too!
If the truth was spoken aloud
What would you do?
Would you cower in the dark;
afraid to go outside?
Would you learn what it’s like
to always want to hide?
Don’t you ever forget me,
I’m the one that you harmed.
I’m a solider in the dark.
but don’t forget, I’m armed.
**Photo Credit “Soliders in the Dark~ Peace On Earth What Is It Worth 2012 Part Three ~.” 2012. Web. 20 Dec. 2015.
Why we kill
God only knows
Go ahead, run!
Run from everything,
you ever knew
to the emptiness.
yourself that you’re good,
happy and content,
where no one
or your problems.
Go for it.
Keep an extra room
for your troubles.
They will find you.
Go ahead, run!
**photo credit Njeri Kareithi
Windows, bright with warmth
my childhood home filled with family–
not my own.
asphalt stand I,
reflective of the passage of time–
wondering if it’s understood
one day someone else will stand here and remember.
I gave a gift,
delicate and fine,
wrought of time and hope.
To you, a knickknack
to place on a shelf
used and discarded,
upon the hardwood floor–
I cannot pick up the pieces anymore.
No matter how hard I tried
I still feel empty inside.
I have never striven so hard
To not show how deeply I’m scarred.
Still it never seems enough!
I’m frail and scared, not tough.
Why can’t I ever feel free?
This is my everlasting plea
Let me be me, no apologies
for what I am, damaged, full of pathologies.
For thirty-six years I kept your secret
It formed a void
A cold hard place in my soul
I loved you though so I endured it.
For thirty-six years I pretended not to see
What you’d done to me
With your selfish needs and desires
Your uncaring spirit burned me alive.
For thirty-six years I struggled
To keep my head above water
No one understood except you
Yet you left me alone, scared and scarred.
For thirty-six years I pretended
I didn’t understand why you ran
I blamed myself and everyone around me
I punished them because I could not punish you.
No more! Your secret is told,
Shouted to the Heavens for all who will listen
I will heal and be whole again
You will rot in hell with no secrets left to tell.
Unhappy echoes rebounding
Empty, yawning caverns
Sitting on the curb and the sun is setting low,
I cannot go inside and I have nowhere else to go.
My parents are at odds again, all they do is bark
I want to be in my room not out here in the dark.
I cannot take the screaming or the crying that comes near the end
My father will not back down and my mother will not bend.
I don’t think they even remember how to love each other
I cannot help but wonder if they think of me or my baby brother.
So here I sit awaiting the slam of bedroom doors
So I can go back inside at the end of parental wars.
I’ll check on little brother and make sure he’s asleep
Then I’ll lay in bed and try to count some sheep.
The wars will start again with the rising sun
My parents just can’t stop, it all will come undone
I swear I’ll never marry, no one will catch my eye
That way I’ll never hurt someone I loved by having to say goodbye.
A dark storm gathers
Inside me, light is smothered
Sadness is crushing